my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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