If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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