oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
