Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
