In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
