I understand Curling. That high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
