I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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