I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
