last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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