I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she told me i tasted like america
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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