I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
