Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone signed my nipple.
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