he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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