You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
