So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
