Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
