whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
