we made out on top of his cat.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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