I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
