You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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