Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
