I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
