I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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