Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This beer is not sobering me up at all
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
