the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
