Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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