How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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