Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize