She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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