When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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