you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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