Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
