He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
