How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
