I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
