i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
