I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
