oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
