Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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