i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
