I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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