Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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