I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
