Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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