Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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