oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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