Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
