A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My dick has a subreddit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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