the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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