we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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