well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
