Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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