Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
