If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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