I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
